hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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