My liver just broke up with me...
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
are you so shy because you have an std?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wish there were birth control emojis
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
