Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
