you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
