Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
