allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How does one acquire holy water?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
