if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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