I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
