I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
