She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
