I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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