I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
