whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I understand Curling. That high.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
