wanna go halves on a baby?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm at about main and main street
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
