And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
