they need to just BURY HIM!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
