I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
