Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
