We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
