Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
