At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
