Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
