OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
