Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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