Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
