just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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