We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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