I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
