Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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