8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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