i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
