Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
