You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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