I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
