..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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