her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
