Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
