I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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