shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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