He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
