Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
