I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
