I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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