you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
