His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
