Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
