found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Quick, to the slutcave!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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