Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
