you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
