I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
