just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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