We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize