She just used a chaser for red wine.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
